Drama in the Valley

All drama originated in the San Fernando Valley--I'm almost sorry to open like this without the context of a witty and pertinent story, but I'm fully sure that anyone familiar with greater Los Angeles can fill in the blanks with his or her own applicable anecdote.

Drama began before America manifested its destiny and conquered the West, so it is hard to know when, precisely, what once was flat earth or fused mountain became "valley" because there were no civilized cultures to keep these things on record. What I can tell you is that Los Angeles' full valley annexation took 50 years, finished in 1965, and that drama began right about then, historically, which involves a tumultuous squabble over secession. Like the South, the San Fernando valley failed to secede from its larger, more arrogant counterpart, and, like the South, the valley has been stigmatized ever since, not without good reason. On the right is a visual explanation of one "good reason" out of many.

All valley families are dysfunctional; most families live in the valley because the valley is cheap, and they are either poor, frugal, or politically forward and therefore mistaking their distant land as "bohemian" instead of "dismal" and "sun-stained." Conversely, several nice, smart, and interesting people come from the valley--this does not diminish the fact that all drama comes from the valley, but I would like to assure you that I am not as biased as you might think me to be. I have met several valley-dwellers who fully charmed me, and I have valley friends. I really love Ventura. Like. I really love VEntura. And I can't imagine why.